b-day

well, feeling better now...I talked to Christine and she really helped me sort things out. Had a pretty good birthday yesterday. Quiet, yes, but good. I still wonder pretty often if "off-ing" myself wouldn't be the best option. It's the cowards way out, I know, sometimes it just seems like there IS no other way. It's really fucking hard to go through all of this. I just feel so pathetic. Occasionally I have days, even weeks, when everything seems possible, and I get stuff done and I feel somewhat normal, but then reality creeps back in and I sink again. Right now I'm kinda blah. Not really feeling much of anything.